9 Jan 2015

Cold Aura

Everyday in my shell I feel the cold Inside,
When keep my feet ahead my door its warm outside,

Its new aura which restricts me to convulse my sight,
Although its been some time to this vicinity,
But still I find this treasure trove all unspoiled,
Its a Big vicinity for personage like me,
But still Wandering for luminary in the citified,
Adapting to envelope as soon as I could,
Yet Finding it hard alone to revive,
I know am solitary to this place,
Still Struggling to get way for me from this haste...
Yes a new place is as new as my Dreams every Night...

Still I feel Cold Inside.......
By :
Ankit Sahay  

9 Aug 2014

A night which never ended !!

The window was wide open and a persistent light breeze was making its entry, a soft music was being played in the background in some radio station and I was sitting on my Study table lost staring at the full moon glowing as if  it was moon's happiest moment.
That feeling was heavenly and was driving me somewhere I never belonged to. I was in an open arena of cognition, the more I was entering inside, the more it was getting broader. It was kind of chain of thoughts letting me enter from one intuition to another. It seemed my thinking was dancing on the Soft tune playing in the background. 
At one Point of time I was a child and on the other I was a liable man. Meanwhile I was smiling at the life which I spent and it was such a GLEE that often does not make appearance.

Musical Atmosphere was icing on the cake for that moment, which was changing the environment and behavior of My Imagination and was allowing me to fly in my peripherals of thinking and may be beyond. 
And all this time the territories of my memory walls were pushed to their maximum threshold values and I was swimming in the view of the happiest time I have spent in my life Journey.

During this wandering I halted at a station of my Journey where I was a kid doing all craziest thing ever possible, unaware of the consequences, having no threat of any obstacles what so ever and simultaneously laughing at myself like an Insane as well and yelling inside the thinking "when will those days knock my door again", may be never but contenting myself  at least I had those time when I was brave otherwise these days people are closed in their shell and can't even speak their mind, even if they want to, and  the next second I thought where am I reaching, that is not the correct path where am heading to, I am supposed to enjoy this moment, this juncture is like a rainbow which is a rare view.

And accordingly in the adjoining moment,  my imagination swings to the beautiful old song playing softly and my mind tries to get in the rhythm and dives deep into the lyrics and tries to perceive it wants to convey, and when I understand the meaning- I feel like, how deep people can think and project it in form of music, Human mind is creative and intelligent, it has the power to novice our thought and presenting them into reality.

Then all of a sudden the shuffling of song takes place,the most adorable song of mine is on Play mode and I get dissolved into the tune  densely such that I never came to know when my eyelids meet and drove me into nap.
Some hours later, some diluted sun rays fall on my skin,a couple of  birds starts to chatter around my ear, which unfortunately wakes me up and I am again short of beautiful dreams and Imagination.

With all irritation left inside me  I yell to my Soul, I wish "The Night Never Ended" !!!

Ankit Sahay 

9 Mar 2014

Women's day

8th March is such an exclusive date on the calender which reminds me of the people who are as important as Oxygen and Water in any men's life, specially me. They are visible to us in different avatars, would it be our mother, friend, grand mother,sister,aunt,teacher or any female.
Yes, you have guessed it right am writing about the strongest species of mankind which will ever exist on the earth "WOMEN".

To be very precise there can't be anything which is as beautiful as,as tough as, as soft as, as caring as and as transparent as WOMEN.
They are the source of LOVE, CARE, FAITH, BELIEFS and don't know how many emotions which I can't explain and include.

So far as I remember when I first Opened my eyes I felt her warmth and care as my MOTHER, when was very young enjoyed her stories in my GRANNY, when grew a bit old I got her learning as my TEACHER, and now when am adult I can find her faith in my friends and sisters.

I hardly remember any arena where they have not proved their mark, but what an irony it is that they are struggling and helpless to get the desired attention and concern in our world.
This is an obvious indication of how selfish we are as we are cutting that branch on which we always relax.

Respect and care is what they deserve in return but we always award them with heartless pain and sorrow.

Thanks to god I took my birth as a MALE to experience their LOVE and CARE, if I would have been a FEMALE then I could not have withstand their PAIN and the amount of love they spread all across the world.

Hearty love to all women specially my MOM, Love U a lot :) :)



29 Sep 2013

Falling Apart

Standing on a road where everybody in passing by,
Jacked by fortune or my deeds, unable to Determine.

Watching Everybody ahead keeps me Surprised,
am I least deserving or my fate has no Divine. 

Thinking I might end up having null in my fist,

Amazed having nothing achieved even things on the  top of the List.

Confused what has to be done, to settle things down,

Also, afraid if my future  might drown.

Time has reached when I have to walk alone,

Scared whether I might be snatched away from this Time Cyclone.

By :-


3 Sep 2013

Feeble Feminine

Still a Girl's Birth is taken as Curse,

Still Girls are Suppressed by Us !!

Although feminine have proved their mettle all across the Earth,

Still Masculine act Superior over girls...

Brutal Inhuman Series of Crimes still Haunting Girls,

Still they are Force Muted for Raising their words,

World has failed to remember "Females are the Origin of Us",

They are the Home of learning and Care as Mothers and Sisters,

Equality is every girl's Birth right,

But we explore them begging for it in sun & moon light,

Lets pledge to reward their Respect,Equality & trust,

And Check them from crying "The Unbiased world is Not with Us"...

RESPECT "WOMEN" and their Dignity....

Because Today Female Empowerment is an Urgent Necessity...    

By :-

1 May 2013

Once I was a KID

Once upon a time I was a KID who had no sense of MATURITY,
Use to think Life 
is full of FRATERNITY,

As I grew learnt some Chapters,
People ignores a common man whatever is the Matter,

we expect some gratitude from this world ,
we receive almost nothing but a meaningless role,

World doesn't know the TRUTH,
Every Child is born here with something to prove,

Time must not be favorable always to prove that impression,
But Watch does wait for that absolute Time of Summation,    

Relations fluctuate their status with no change in reality,
and they do bring some recitation when they show their actuality,

Continuing a Soul is nothing but a BID,
This is what I learnt since am growing as a KID..

BY :-

18 Apr 2013

Resentment ............

Life has turned Disgrace 
Hitting Challenges on The Face,

Testing and teasing Patience,
Leaving No Sign of Renascence,

Obstacles has started to become the best Pal
Conditions are such like, mistakes have no Reeval,

Standing On Such a duo edge
 Falling any side births a Rage,

Working out Nothing any idea,felling or sentiment
My conscience is Stone Strong yelling, Yes  am going through Resentment.......


1 Mar 2013

MOVE ON.............

Life is concise so move on,
whatever comes in the way just Skip around,

Don't regret what you went through,
cope up with sorrows which passed you,

Being decent and Good is Harmful at instances,
Be a bad boy at times to show your inside faces,

Nobody is Dirty inside,
but this world makes people keep their white reputation besides,

Be what you are good or bad,
This universe gives  nothing to characters until they need you at useful sight.


20 Feb 2013

Diverging In Shadows.............

CLIMBING the Ladders one after another.
Destination is Blurring but mind does not Bother,

Unnoticed how far I have come,
Added no Milestones in my way I have done,

Have tried Hard frequently to prove my mark,
still Thirsty for any Significant Reward,

Failure is what I expect the Least,
Soul is Searching for Eminence like a hungry Beast,

Changing avatars for Hiding in the Groups,
But these matter least when Shown Mirror of Truth,

Watch Clicks Needed to get Stabilized,
Soon will be back to make this Universe Surprised.


7 Feb 2013


Sitting among The Crowd felt Solitary..........
Touched by something but don't have it in my Glossary....

A Replica of a Face juggling all around my Eyeballs....
 Mixed Feelings of that image revolving around my Memory walls.......

This is non sense I point my mind again and again...
also Uncertain,would I be able to regain........

Its Confusing so am Searching a Solution...........
Either am Insane or its just a Beautiful Emotion.............

Tending to write But Falling Short Of WORDS........
Mind checked long back Imagining like an Independent BIRD............. 

I imagine someone who is very  close..
Thus following the clock for her appearance to DISCLOSE....

Is This an Unbounded relation or an Unconditional Love........... 
Feels Splendid and Touching but still PERTURBED..........

BY :-


12 Jan 2013

Writing.... An Experience

Writing was a Question in Early Slot of my Life but we kept Meeting Each each other During Exams because it was a Compulsion then.

That slice of Writing was also joyful but the main difference was it being a Must, but the Time has Evolved and has taken a revolution from Adolescence to Maturity.

My thinking has started to flow like a smoke in all Directions, my view of thinking regarding Atoms of life has emerged like a light of a dying candle. 

I have learned the Modules on how to handle Relations,People and especially friends. I also taught myself when to tighten shoes for Situations good or evil..

In Short am Living ALONE more than 1700 kilometers away from the place where I have experienced most of my Tutorials about Life.

I still don't get through this Concept as when I was at Home I had All time of the world, I met Diversity of  People but I never Experienced the life changing Chapters which has become an Inescapable part since last 5 years.

But thankfully this ACQUAINTANCE isn't taking away anything from me, instead am meeting Loneliness Frequently and it has greeted me the Opportunity to Do What I Like to do the most since a long watch, It offers me a ride of all new experiences, which takes me to a different world of IMAGINATION,the place where everything is Possible,and that Place is INKING my COGNITION ............

I am INSPIRED to Write all Regarding my Emotions, this Experience is a synonym to reach an all new HEAVEN each time I Begin to do it and its UNSTOPPABLE... 

Its like an UNDISPUTED ADDICTION which is Wining each time I argue with, and I Wish this PARTNERSHIP does not break unless am TIRED of it #Writing  :) :}


1 Jan 2013



Young and strong we are….. Mind and Power we have…We are the new Generation……


Whatever we do, wherever we go, we search and explore some sweet Relations………….


What we say makes a Conclusion and whatever we wear makes a Sensation…………..


We are Confused in Making a Stand in our Own Decisions………….


We are at the age of Dreams which are in the process of their Completion……….


We make this World a brighter Place to live by participating in Celebrations………..


We Have the Capabilities and Can Change the perspective of Situations…………


We have the skill to put our word in all the Wrong World Presentation……………..


Let us take the Charge we will surely Come UP with a Fruitful Solution………………….


Failure and Underestimation is not Our Destination…………..


If Given a chance we’ll Surely PROVE OUR METTLE , 

Why we are an efficient New Generation.....



9 Nov 2012

Do god Really Exist??

God is  What we call a Pathfinder in our life. We all depend on god in no matter how many ways .
If Something goes wrong, the first person we remember is him and the same happens when something pleasant happens .

In other way we can say that our soul is totally dependent on god.
Taking Hindu Mythology into consideration every aspect of our life is related to him.Every season,every Happiness,every sorrow, every change ,every myth and every natural activity or calamity.

As we know we don't respect god, we actually are scared of them if you ask your mind and heart truly.

 So far as i think gods do exist but its just to contempt our lives,that is why we believe in god or in other words this is how our ancestors have taught us to live.

So far as the holy books are concerned they are just a fiction book which are designed in such a way that the appear real to us in every certain means and holds good in every circumstances which happen in our daily life.

So far as the book GITA is concerned it is the most awesomely book ever written in the history of this world. It is the inspiration to all Moral science books ever created in this world. It not only teaches how to lead our life wisely but also how to react to typical situations which arise in our day to day lives.But people take it into wrong way they mug it up without learning the lessons from it.

Being a hindu i must not state this but i have to express what i feel, that the whole system of Hinduism has taken a U turn and few people has taken these books in a wrong way. They have started to make people scared of God in the hunger of their own profit and respect .

When i visit temples i see people begging for their needs and wasting their time in standing in the queues for have just a glimpse of god but telling u very frankly watching a sculpture of god does not change anything or pouring the purest form of water or milk will not help you out in making your things being completed or making your dreams come true. But one thing what i believe is that it will surely build your confidence since you will always be thinking that the god is with you helping in whatever way which is simply nothing but a MIRAGE of your mind . As well said by one of our Prominent Gods "krishna" that WORK IS WORSHIP which is blindly ignored by the people.If you work hard for a project ,spend lots of your mind,time and concentration then it is obvious that it has to be successful,so at that time also you congratulate instead praising your hard work.

So what i want to say is that i too believe in god because they are our culture or what we call in our language "SANSKAR" but i don't believe in miracles as for example: whatever marks i get in my exams is totally based on how good i write the paper not on how many times i recite god's poem.

So if god exists it does only for a moral support not for making things well or correcting the mistakes we do in our life,they exist in holy books to show us the right paths to lead a good and pleasant life.

People say that GOD is OMNIPOTENT that is they are present everywhere and yes they are because if our surrounding we face different situations from which we can learn the way to lead our lives and that is the work of our GOD to show us the right path .

Hence this is how the GOD is for me and this is how i treat my GOD so if this behavior of treating my God is Hurting anybody then am very SORRY people because this is what my personal feeling and beliefs and it is not meant for disrespecting anybody.

Personal Thoughts


3 Nov 2012

Am I Unromantic ??????



Am a boy who does not know what LOVE is..
                 Is it reality or I don't wanna know what it is??

Moving away is what I practice 
                 but i can't figure out why is this my tactics??

I feel LOVE when I hear a ROMANTIC song

                 but in real life donno where have they gone????

Is this my nature or strictness of my parents

                 coz I never talk to girls at midnight on my TERRACE

I Wish will find her someday 
               if not my parents have to bring her on my wedding day!

All I know is that I love Romance inside...

               but very sorry ladies am Expressionless outside  :(


7 Oct 2012

Unrelated people...........

People around us are so unrelated that we can't come up with a similar thought .....
As well said by our ancestors '"Many head many Thoughts" ....

People who take initiatives and does a positive and constructive work are always criticized
as we had learn from our History Books ......

As i guess few people are living to criticize people without taking into consideration their lives...

As an example during our School Days Exams the 1st question friends used to ask "Pura Padh Liya Hai Yar tu to" i.e (you must have studied all the concepts ).... but the fact is that he is checking out whether "has the other guy read more than him or not"

Our environment has such an irony situation that everyone is dependent on others but still wants to get ahead of others on any ground and by any means.........

People will remain people and we can't help it... but by taking a look at these people  mindset shall we change ourselves being scared of criticized ...........

This is the real Question????????????

5 Oct 2012

A Solitary Road with ambitions.......

I walk a solitary road ..... 
the road which has been made by me

the road which were supposed to have milestones..
which are not built because of my fortune......

the road which fond me alone........ 
which does not allow anyone to add on..

and this is the way I choose for myself ........
to live to breathe and succeed.....

this is going to back me up till the end....
when am giggling,sad or insane in the mid.....

this is the street which put me here.......
who tweets a poem by putting his emotions untouched by care......

By Ankit Sahay

22 Aug 2012

Its all about adapting your Choices....

Do not try
To change the world.
You will fail.
Try to love the world.
and the world is changed for u...,
Changed forever.

14 Feb 2012

Those were the best dayz of my life......


Those were the best dayz of my life when the only responsibility i had was to do homework...
Those were the best dayz of my life when going school everyday was habit...
Those were the best dayz of my life when the only superhero was "SHAKTIMAN"...
Those were the best dayz of my life when not covering the notebooks with sheets was punishment.............
Those were the best dayz of my life when playground which i knw was my terrace....
Those were the best dayz of my life when the only resturant i went was my dining table...
Those were the best dayz of my life when the pocket money meant choclates.......
Those were the best dayz of my life when the summer vacations were full of mangoes.... 
Those were the best dayz of my life when N.C.E.R.T books were BIBLE......
Those were the best dayz of my life when watching an english movie was a SIN....
Those were the best dayz of my life when fully filled Slam book  was an achievement.....
Those were the best dayz of my life
Those best dayz were my childhood .............
                           Ankit Sahay's Childhood.............
By :- Ankit Sahay...

31 Dec 2011


Hope abides; therefore I abide.
Countless frustrations have not cowed me.
I am still alive, vibrant with life.
The black cloud will disappear,
The morning sun will appear once again
In all its superb glory.

28 Dec 2011

The weight of the piano

She plays, ten fingers running up and down the ivories, filling the audience room with music. She sits straight, very straight, it is part of the technique. I feel a smile growing on me, stupidly happy, as if I am still surprised to find us here, almost every day for weeks now. I just love this moment: her piano on stage, Eline totally drawn in herself, that very same spotlight, the empty chairs, and me, watching from the silent dark. It is like a movie, and I feel part of it.
I quietly sit down in the back. I watch her fingers dance, long and lean, they move along, always graciously, with ever evolving subtleties. Her hands move in as many different ways as a face can express emotions. It is magic. The sounds mingle and trample over themselves. Eline and the piano, they are one when she plays, one melody. When I watch for too long, here in the corner, it sometimes make me feel dizzy, it affects me, it carries me away. Only she does that to me. That is what she did, she carried me away.
As I listen, I try to grasp her mood, try to translate that language I don’t speak. On stage Eline is inside herself, her world, her head gently moving with the melody, sometimes more aggressively. I like the aggressive parts, they are the most expressive. She can slam a note while still, ever, gracious. She is the source, she is the pianist. She is the magician. I never know what note will come, how it will come, she feels it. I can’t imagine how the music sounds in her, knowing her, it has to be intense, ridiculously rich. Mostly Eline is ungraspable to me, when she plays, the notes just send me on an undefined journey. The notes connect us, without ever revealing what they connect. Yet, it happens that I can hear her speak, that I can trace the underlying emotions through the way she plays. It makes me feel very close to her, privileged in some ways. The first time she played for me, just for me, I was literally swept of my feet. I almost fell down, at least my jaws did. I could feel how every single note caressed me, stranger still then, in her so personal embrace. I was amazed. I was speechless, it said it all.
This could be the last time Eline plays here, I can hear it. I can hear how she appreciates every single touch, every single note, how everything here resonates this particular way, as she dedicates herself to every singular tone. I am listening with that same attention, savoring every second. The music is light, the melody almost swinging. I will miss it, she will miss it. I try to capture everything, everything. As if I could put it all in a little box, and bring it with me as to never loose it.
Eline made it as a pianist. I feel proud of her, that she speaks that universal language music so well, that I got the chance to know her, that I can be here, listening to her. It is like speaking all the languages of the world, just with ten fingers. That is how I explain it to myself, that is what justifies all those hours, constant hours, day in, day out, of her practicing. She has to keep the level, stand there on the top of the Mount Everest, for each and every language of the world, for each and every finger. And I watch her, whenever I can, her long and tender fingers, her hands, so finely, yet decisively muscled.
As the notes continue to play, still grasping me in their web of possible endless hours, I stand up and walk away, silently, out of her world. I am happy I found the time to have seen her one more time play here, alone. I am excited about our plans. I get back to work, just a few more hours. We’ll meet at 15.00.
I am waiting for Eline, at the Krasnapolski hotel, the lobby, next to the window, with view on the Dam square. It is our spot, ever since we first met there. My baggage is packed. I am pondering a bit random thoughts as I look at people walking by, sometimes I believe I do see Eline arriving, but then it is not so. She is mostly very punctual, but running a bit late today. It is the packing. I thought of helping her, but decided it was not a good idea to involve myself. I could imagine our ways of packing being quite opposite. I travel and emigrate too much, too often. While waiting, I flip through my mental memories of earlier today as I sneaked into the concert hall. Eline didn’t notice I came by, I don’t always tell.
Eline plays not far from my work, she plays there almost every day, at least 6 hours. I love listening when she thinks she is alone. It is the real her, without the mask of the public artist. Mostly she is practicing specific bits of a soon to come performance, angrying and struggling with herself. At moments I wish I could help her, but I can’t. She is very busy these days. She is right, it is important. We discussed it many times. A perfectionist she is, a real one, diligently working herself through all the details. I don’t know how she does it, but she does, hour in, hour out, it is madness, it is a passion, a devoted life really. I have a lot of respect for her, it is not easy. I am stubborn too, in some ways I do understand. Luckily times are not always that crammed, when her schedule is more relaxed, she plays whatever crosses her mind. I love it when she wanders around the piano, no plan, just randomly expressing that music in her. Then I am really lucky, it’s when I love her most, when she feels free, and the piano is not her work, her life. Sometimes I wish I could set her free. But then, without her piano at the centre of her life, that would not be Eline.
“How was your day?” Eline asks, in a happy mood, as she meets me at the Krasnapolski Hotel, Amsterdam. I didn’t see her coming. I look at her suitcases. The luggage is huge. There are two in fact. I smile.
“ I was working on that new story, and I dreamt I could hear you play”. She smiles. She got used to those weird sentences. They don’t make sense, they are just sweet. It has sense in itself to be sweet by whiles. There is a short silence. We just look at each other smilingly.
“How is it going?”, I ask her without thinking, and I immediately regret it. Her professional face appears, a determined, disciplined expression. She is worried, it occupies her mental space. I can see her fighter fire in her eyes. She is beautiful, no, stupendous by moments. It is because I love her, that I wish her to relax, let go.
“I am struggling with the last two passages. It just does not balance out.” She goes on, I listen, I do my best. I do hear the intensity of her hours spend intimately with her piano, with herself. I am left out of that equation, only she and her piano. No one enters the equation, it is like that, it is tough, even for her, I know that. I want to be a door to the bigger world, not a mirror. I am a perfectionist too in that sense, anthroposophy is my piano. She pauses. A mutual gaze. She knows me well enough by now, to know I am wandering off with my thoughts. She is not just beautiful, she is smart. I like her, and I smile at her as I see she is realizing I want to change the topic. She just adds, as giving her professional qualification:
“It is gonna be good”.
“Good?”, I ask her, making my strange face. She laughs.
“Excellent”, she corrects herself and gives me a wink.
“Exceptional, breathtaking, ridiculously marvelous” I whisper her, as I reach out to her smilingly, my hand supporting her chin, kissing her lips affectionately. I don’t care that we are in the hotel lobby. I am happy to see her. I am happy to find her here with me.
Her smile sticks on her face, I guess so does mine. We both just smile for a while. I make strange faces in those occasions, which only makes the smiling worse. Sometimes we don’t need music or words.  I want her to know, to feel that she just rocks.
Eline starts talking about non piano topics, her face relaxed, opening up, talking about him and her, this and that. People have been talking a lot about our departure. Like an Italian she starts using her hands, and her arms. We laugh a lot, my arms and hands move too. We imitate people we know. When she does that she feels at home. She likes Italy, it is like her second home. Italy is one thing that brought us together. We talk casual life stuff. I listen, making jokes from time to time. In non piano life we always find ourselves in the same core values, exchange funny views. Time never goes slow with Eline.
When we just got to know each other we didn’t have that much to say. I would write stories, letters, poems, and she would send me recorded music or play for me live. That was our connection. Our lives would be unrelated, we would not even see each other that often, me living in Italy, she living in Amsterdam. We met as an acquaintance of us brought us in contact. We met over breakfast, randomly. It took a long time before our worlds genuinely connected, but once we got closer, the bridge through our mutual arts was already build.
“ Let’s go” I tell her. She nods, and I ask for the bill. We have a plane to catch. The Friday 18:00 KLM flight to New York. I know the flight very well, it is a busy one, and security is a hassle at Schiphol these days, especially since Eline does not have the miles and status cards I use. I hope they will be nice and let her through the business route, it is faster and more convenient. With our big suitcases we walk up the Damrak towards central station. It is only a 20 minute train ride from there, but the Damrak walk is always longer then you think, it is one of those walks.
While walking, fighting the wind and the cold (me), and the luggage(Eline) we both have our “just thinking by myself” moment. Reviewing time, thoughts, feelings, it is normal at big departures. It is a big jump we take. The biggest one is that we are taking it together.
I took three months of sabbatical of my work and I will be promoting my book in the states. I don’t really know what that means, I just believed it was a good idea to take a break from the office. Eline will play, she will participate in this one tour, from which much will depend. It is a mission really. We have been begging all my friends, and so has she, to get her in the circuit, the American one, this is the one shot. We will both be travelling a lot through the States, no clue whether the schedules will match, but our home will be up the crossing of 29th street and 3rd avenue, NY.
I look at Eline, I gently pinch her, big smile and whisper in her ear, “you know this is really happening”.
“I know”, and in her eyes I see the adrenaline, from excitement or fear, or probably that Eline’s specific mixture of both. And it comes to my mind, that for a moment, I know her better than her piano. For just a moment, I dare to believe, that she doesn’t follow her piano to NY, but that the piano follows us. It is not true. I sigh, and smile at the sight of her big bags, there is no piano in there, it is too big.